April 16, 2008

Today marks the anniversary of a day that will forever be burned in my mind. Today is the one year anniversary of a day that was characterized by terror. I woke up this morning with a profound feeling of gratefulness mixed with sadness. One year ago on this day I spent the morning hours hiding in the bathroom with my 9 month old son, wondering what in the world was going on, wishing with all of my heart that my husband didn't have to be 5 hours away from us on a medical rotation, scared completely out of my mind. I was terrified every time I'd hear the police drive through the neighborhood and announce on their loudspeaker for everyone to stay away from the windows and doors, stay close to the ground and not to leave their homes because there was a shooter on the loose. I remember after they said we could come out of hiding, putting Grant down for a nap and weeping as I thought of those parents who had lost their children, those wives and husbands who had lost their spouses and those children who had lost their parents to a senseless killing. I had poignant memories of the cold, blustery day. I remembered the snow falling and the wind tearing through this town. It seemed to characterize the day perfectly - a day of frozen chaos. And so today I am thankful for the Spring. The sun has come out and warmed the earth, and with it has brought much healing in the lives of so many here in Blacksburg. Today was a day of remembrance, not a day of mourning, as it was exactly one year ago. It was a day in celebration of those innocent lives that were lost. Healing has begun. I pictured the tulips that had been trampled by panicked feet that I saw last year. They have now been replaced by flowers lifting their happy faces to the sky. I remembered the blood stained sidewalk which has been made clean. And I thought it a poignant picture of the Salvation Message: Christ has taken my blood stained life and has made it clean. He has taken the tulips that were trampled by my own sin, and has lifted beautiful flowers out of the earth where they once lay. Christ has had victory, despite my own sinful desires and intentions. Thanks be to God!! I watched the service of memorial this morning and was amazed at how much of an impact this day had had on me. I hadn't realized how deeply it was engrained in my mind. As part of the service, they read each person's name and told a bit about each person's life. When they would read the names, immediately a picture of the person they had mentioned would flash into my mind. I had never met any of the victims. They were not my friends, or even my acquaintences. I merely saw their names and faces on the news, and I remember looking at the Virginia Tech website and reading about each person one time. But their faces and names are engrained in my mind so much so that one year after they had their lives stripped from them, their pictures are alive in my mind. I was amazed. And so, at the end of this day, I realized that, at least in my life, the act that Cho Seung-Hui had intended for terror and revenge was not successful. Although innocent lives were taken and many families were, and still are, hurting, I (and hopefully many others) can see past the hurt, the hate, the sin. Instead, I see a picture of hope and healing. I see a beautiful picture of Christ's love surpassing all evil intentions. I see two blood-stained hands, reaching out in sacrifice, and I am thankful for His surpassing GRACE that sustains us even in times of trial.